A few weeks ago I felt fear taking over. I needed to take a pause as my anxiety was prevalent in everything I was doing.
My head was telling me to do the opposite, fear was telling me to push hard this last month before the big move. There was so much I felt I needed to do to be "prepared" for this divorce. But regardless of my extensive to-do list, I could start to see the signs of burn out. I knew that I needed to do something more than my usual to help get me through this time.
It's been a little over 2 years since I have taken a prescribed narcotic. Normally when I had high levels of stress my psychiatrist would just up my dosage and I managed in that way until the stress passed. (Let me reiterate I have no judgment on those who need it and take medication for any form of mental illness. )
But it's been about 5 years since I started this journey. My journey of awakening. I know better than to numb my feelings. I know that in order to heal we must feel into it. I know what it feels like to sit with old trauma, to feel that death inside of you. I don't fear it anymore and I certainly don't want to prevent the natural flow of the healing process.
So I decided for my last three weeks to wrap myself up with unconditional SELF-love and close myself off to the world. I surrounded myself with my soul family and all the shamans and healers I had met along my journey. I focused only on the present moment and I made sure Noah and I really got to soak up our beautiful north county before we go.
I felt into all the pain and fears that were presenting themselves to me. I wanted to honor my family by grieving it in its entirety because no matter how the journey went for us I am forever grateful for the growing pains this chapter has taught me. And they were many!!!
Divorce is an ugly thing. The trauma everyone endures can get pretty heavy and intense. Sadly there is no way of walking out unscarred.
- A love note for the women out there going through this.
Please take care of yourself during this massive time of transition. Your emotional and mental well being should be of the utmost importance.
No matter what anyone says you don't need to have everything figured out. No matter if everybody tells you "You've got this! You're so strong!"
It's ok when you don't have it. It's ok to feel tired of fighting in life. It's ok to break down and it's ok to break down often.
Look within for that peace you so desperately need. Everything we need we already have within us
Through this, I was given the gift of understanding that love lies within me and no matter the circumstances no one can ever take that away.
Cheers to a life that you can make your own again. It's time to soar baby girl you just have to take that leap of faith and FALL.....